aquus:

before you have sex with me you have to earn it

take these two potatoes and this goat and bring them to the river valley where you will meet an old gypsy named madam zeroni. carry madam zeroni back up the mountain on your back and allow her to drink from the stream while you sing for her. she will give you a necklace of beads. return them to me to complete the quest.

i wonder if anybody’s actually had feelings for me, like actually got upset or mad over little things i did and got jealous and confused over me and thought about me on a regular basis. i feel like i’m the only person that ever really cares about anyone and that nobody’s ever felt that way for me.

brandisbigbootybitches:

im gonna make a movie that’s titled “WILL SOMETHING SCARY HAPPEN?” and it will feature an hour and a half of someone walking around their house in the dark doing various things that COULD be the prelude to something scary but nothing actually scary will happen until after the credits when spooky scary skeletons will play

louderdecibelle:

koizumim:

really though

if breasts, butts and legs are so distracting to men, to the point they cant function

why arent they that distracting to lesbians

and at that point

why isnt the penis bulge and legs not distracting enough to gay men to warrant men being put under the same dress codes

#spoilers: its because its bullshit

just-laff:

egberts:

if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket

you are one of the great thinkers of our time

mowwwg:

“you can’t wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!”

the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won’t quit???? honey that ain’t wrong that’s just fact